


Everybody praise the landlord!

by Starkspectacular



Series: Frostiron meets Le Mis [1]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (2012), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Cross Over, I don't know what I was doing, Just... imagine it, Le mis, M/M, singing and shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-06
Updated: 2013-04-06
Packaged: 2017-12-07 14:44:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/749703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starkspectacular/pseuds/Starkspectacular
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So I came out of the cinema after watching Le Mis and had this big ass brain baby</p>
            </blockquote>





	Everybody praise the landlord!

Tony Stark and Loki Laufeyson, or better known as Monsieur and Monsieur Thenardier were the keepers of the sleaziest, cheapest and best inn in all of France. Their food was crap, the rooms were filthy, but the prices were low and the atmosphere was great so who gave a shit when _les boissons sont sur la maison!_ And on any day, such as today, Monsieur Tony Thenardier could be heard starting up their day of stealing from the drinkers.

“Welcome M'sier

Sit yourself down

And meet the best Innkeeper in town

As for the rest

All of them crooks

Rooking the guests

And cooking the books”

It was true, he was the best innkeeper in town! Treat ‘em nice or regret it in the mornin’!

“Seldom do you see

Honest men like me

A gent of good intent

Who's content to be!”

And then his husband would join with a breeze as if he knew how to continue, took the new guest under the arm and guided him further into the room. A chair was pulled out for the man as Tony stuffed a pocket watch into his sleeve, and he placed a half bottle of suspicious looking alcohol in front of the punter. As the man reached for the glass Monsieur Loki Thenardier had slyly taking his handkerchief from his pocket and used it to be his own cravat. And so they continued in unison, trained hands taking items of worth from the drunkards easily.

“Master of the House

Doling out the charm

Ready with a handshake

And an open palm

Tells a saucy tale

Makes a little stir

Customers appreciate a bon viveur!

Glad to do my friends a favor

Doesn't cost me to be nice

but nothing gets you nothing Ever

I bleed them in the end!

Master of the House

Quick to catch yer eye

Never wants a passerby

To pass him by

Servant to the poor

Butler to the great

Comforter, philosopher

And lifelong mate

Everybody's boon companion

Everybody's chaperone

But lock up your valises Jesus!

Won't I skin ya to the bone!”

They literally dragged in people from the street, sat them down with ‘Free’ glasses of beer and then stole the money right from under their noses. A pair of glasses, a top hat, a shoe, a glass eye, a leg. All of it, take it all, give nothing back.

“Enter M'sieur

Lay down yer load

Unlace yer boots

And rest from the road

This weighs a ton

Travel's a curse

But here we strive

To lighten your purse”

And oh how they lightened your purses! They’d make you feel on top of the world, bring you into a merry dance and even let you stay the night! For a price of course, and the food was good! Try it, take a bite, nothing real in there! Not even sure it’s meat but go ahead and eat! Twas Monsieur Loki Thenardier that was the one to do the cooking, and so into the kitchens he’d move to grind up any old thing they could find and turn it into something edible.

“Here the goose is cooked

Here the fat is fried

And nothing's overlooked

Till I'm satisfied

Food beyond compare

Food beyond belief

Mix it in a mincer

And pretend it's beef

Kidney of a horse

Liver of a cat

Filling up the sausages

With this and that”

Monsieur Tony Thenardier was the one who handled the money on the innkeeper side, taking care of the expenses for renting rooms and such. Maybe he was a little overpriced, but what could they say when they were already sat down and he had his sweet Eponine in his arms to act as a _belle_ distraction?

“Residents are more than welcome

Bridal suite is occupied

Reasonable charges plus some little extra on the side

Charge them for the lice

Extra for the mice

Two per cent for looking in the mirror twice

Here a little slice

There a little cut

Three per cent for sleeping with the window shut

When it comes to fixing prices

There are lots of tricks to know

How it all increases

All them bits and pieces Jesus!

It's amazing how it grows”

And then back down into the main room where the landlords antics arose again, Loki serving drinks and food to the drunkards as they sang a song in good spirit.  He’d sprawl across a punters lap, and whisper in his ear seductive words while taking cash from directly under their noses.

“Master of the House

Quick to catch yer eye

Never wants a passerby

To pass him by

Servant to the poor

Butler to the great

Comforter, philosopher

And lifelong mate

Everybody's boon companion

Gives them everything he's got

Dirty bunch of greezers Jesus!

What a sorry little lot!”

And Monsieur Loki Thenardier would do so now with his arms draped around a ‘posh boy’ as they called them. He murmured words that all the bar could hear, words that Monsieur Tony Thenardier heard as he drew closer and closer with his thumbs hooked into his trousers.

“I used to dream

That I would meet a prince

But God Almighty,

Have you seen what's happened since?

`Master of the house?'

Isn't worth me spit!

`Comforter, philosopher'

\- and lifelong shit!

Cunning little brain

Regular Voltaire

Thinks he's quite a lover

But there's not much there”

An affronted look and rude stares by the punters at Monsieur Tony Thenardier’s crotch sent him clearing his throat and continuing as if he were to walk by casually. Monsieur Loki Thenardier had continued, however,

“What a cruel trick of nature

Landed me with such a louse

God knows how I've lasted

Living with this bastard in the house

Master of the house.

Master and a half!

Comforter, philosopher

Ah, don't make me laugh!

Servant to the poor. Butler to the great.

Hypocrite and toady and inebriate!”

As Tony walked by Loki had slid him a wad of money from the gentleman’s pocket, then stood up and was easily moving about the bar once more. Such a pair to be that they knew each other’s actions in such detail. So much so that they could easily read their actions, especially the simple gestures. A drop of Monsieur Loki’s handkerchief on the floor meant that as the drunkard bent to pick it up in good spirit, it gave the opportunity for the pair of pick pocket them.

“Everybody bless the landlord!

Everybody bless his spouse!

Everybody raise a glass

Raise it up the master's arse.

Everybody raise a glass to the master of the house!”

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own this song nor any of the characters blah blah nope not mine


End file.
